So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
