Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
