I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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