my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
