okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
