So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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