The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
