Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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