I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sober January is a disaster.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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