I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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