I cannot find my penis.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
