don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
