So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
