Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
