it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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