if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
