And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
