nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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