So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize