you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
