forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
