let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
