I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
