did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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