I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
