hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
