you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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