i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
