Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
