He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize