Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
