is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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