So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
