had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
