Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
