You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
