sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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