Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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