this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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