I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
