you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
