Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
