Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
