I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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