Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
