yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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