Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
