I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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