I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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