Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
