She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
