Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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