I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have fence marks all over my body
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
