i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize