jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
