I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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