I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
