Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
