STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
