I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
