Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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