i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
