Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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