Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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